I have learnt a lot about parenting and whose who and what's what. What affects and what blows over.
Maybe it is my nature just to research everything!
I grew up with both my parents totally in love with each other and with them never fighting (well not in front of us) they never put the other down if they did not agree and they both respected each other for what each other did. They both equally loved my sister and I. My sister and I were cuddled, we climbed Into bed with our parents, we bathed with our mum n dad and we were sneaky and talked all night on our walkie talkies. We were spoke to honestly and if something was too adult to understand, it was toned down. We were never lied to or told things to make others look bad. We always knew the truth. We were taught that we should talk about our feelings, even if they were bad...we were never told off for our opinions. We were brought up with love and were disciplined with love. Today in 2013 our family still talks, we still snuggle on the sofa and mummy still makes us hot chocolate for bed time and daddy still makes bacon and sausages for breakfast. At the age of 28, if I want a sleepover at home, I still climb into their bed in the morning with a cuppa tea! Nothing quite like home!
This is how I want my creation of a family to be.
This is why I do not understand why parents these days let there children be affected by breakups, arguments and divorces. I see it everywhere. It truly saddens me.
It's not there fault!
Of course the kid will love there mum n dad equally. No matter how hard you try to sway them..... Let them figure it out for themselves!
I get questioned a lot from others about 'why do I let C see his dad so much' well the thing is. Me n his Dad split up but that's not to say his Dad loves C any less... Does it???! 2 used to get so annoyed with me for 'running around' to take C to his Dads or I'd say yes to him seeing him last minute... A few months back C and I had a very open conversation about his feelings and he quite rightly told me that he loves me millions and daddy millions but its not fair because he can't stay at daddy's for a hundred days and even though he misses me he really misses daddy too. This is a huge example that kids (age 4) can discuss feelings and they do have opinions, if you let them be heard! So me and his dad agreed that C should stay over his daddy's more. It has come with its complications, like behaviour and rule change overs and his attention span differs from 1 house to the other. BUT, guess what, Charlie is happy, loved and loves. Believe me my heart went THUD when he was so excited to see his daddy more. Who am I to tell him, who he loves. It's not a competition between the parents. We are both his parents and both love him equally. That's my point.
F (2nd baby) still sees his daddy. It's not regular and it's not for many hours at a time but I know his father loves him and F loves time with his daddy. I know that in F heart he will always be able to feel his daddy's love and the next time he sees him, he will know who he is. Deep inside.
It's not just mothers who connect with there babies. I think more women need to understand this. Yes we carry them and make them and do the amazing stuff but if our child is lucky enough to have a connection with there father. No matter how wrong you think that person is, unless they are physically or mentally abusive we must not dismiss the love.
My philosophy is this.... As the consistent parent we must not only provide food and water but provide the tools to become good adults. Through our honesty and love our children will know and understand the truth, it is then up to them what they want to do with it.
The truth, always ends in love.
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