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Where did it begin...

I start to wonder. When did this all start? Where did I go wrong? DID I go wrong or Is this the path my soul wanted me to take? Why me? Why do I forgive so much?  I just don't get it!  I can't start this blog at the beginning as I am not sure where the beginning is. I'm just going to write as and where my thoughts and experiences take me.  I was married young, to my sweetheart. I really wanted to be happy and have a growing career and to be successful. I thought marriage and money meant success.... At 21 I had a lovely, gorgeous church wedding with an amazing honeymoon of 3 weeks in St Lucia, I had a job with huge money prospects and I was doing really well.  At 23, stood in my own house, in my own kitchen, giving my baby bulldog big huggles (all this and i was only 23!) and I thought. Gosh. Im pregnant?! Along came my gorgeous baby boy.....2 days before my 24th birthday.  Life was amazing and everything I had planned. Note: Planned .  I gave into the pres...
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My own Bubble

I have had quite a few of you asking me, when is my next post. I have been wrapped up in my own little bubble, it's really quite nice in here.  On a serious note.  Writing down my past feelings brought back a lot of emotions and memories, some of which I had forgotten. I have needed to deal with this in my own way.  Writing this blog started my journey to true recovery. I decided to get rid of plastering up my emotions with antidepressants, no partying the nights away, no stupid training regime and no 'starving' myself or bingeing on chocolate.... These are my usual tricks to ignore the pain inside.  I have decided to feel my pain and let it burn. If I do not feel the pain, how will it go away? It wont, it will stay forever. All that pain will eat away inside, without me even realising. One day it will show its ugly head in the form of a bitter, twisted, single mum who hates men (and women) and will just be sad. I certainly do not want to be that person. I want to st...
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It's not their fault.

I have learnt a lot about parenting and whose who and what's what. What affects and what blows over.  Maybe it is my nature just to research everything!  I grew up with both my parents totally in love with each other and with them never fighting (well not in front of us) they never put the other down if they did not agree and they both respected each other for what each other did. They both equally loved my sister and I. My sister and I were cuddled, we climbed Into bed with our parents, we bathed with our mum n dad and we were sneaky and talked all night on our walkie talkies. We were spoke to honestly and if something was too adult to understand, it was toned down. We were never lied to or told things to make others look bad. We always knew the truth. We were taught that we should talk about our feelings, even if they were bad...we were never told off for our opinions. We were brought up with love and were disciplined with love. Today in 2013 our family still talks, we still...
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