The Truth: Beginning of the End

I'm ready. Today has been a very good day. Today I have spoken out loud about the most taboo subject ever.  I spoke about my dark days of antenatal depression.  Age 26, pregnant with 2nd baby, 2nd father, 2nd chance to make my ideal family work. I wanted such a happy life for my babies. I wanted them to be loved and experience happiness and have memories the same as I had, had. I wanted to give them the world and I was willing to sacrifice for this.  I could pretend forever. I dident matter.  My 2nd Baby's Dad (ill call him 2, for ease)  had an extra tough time loving my first born. These were his own issues. I could not understand why though. He was strict on him, stricter than he was on his own Son. C (baby 1) really fought to be loved by 2.... Everything he did, I could see he was just trying to impress. It tore my heart. I hated it. I hated 2 telling C off, I hated him inflicting rules and being hard on him. C needed it? He needed discipline? I Molly coddled...

I have never been short of friends and never been short of friends. At school I had lots of girlfriends and everyother week I had a new boyfriend. Haha! Although I was bullied, by just a couple of boys. They were so so mean! I was never 'miss popular' and I was never the 'boffin' I was not a 'geek' I was just me.  Thats all I have ever been, me. I'm like a jigsaw peace that doesn't quite fit, it has that extra notch on it.... I truely believe, ALL people should take ALL people for there good and bad.  Everyone is beautiful. Everyone has flaws. Everyone is strong and everyone is weak at times. Everyone has naughty secrets and everyone lies.... Why? because we are all scared of the truth. Why? Because people dictate who and what we should be. Media, schools, exams, careers, money, even our warped view of  love dictates to u s.  If we are not there idea of normal, we need to lie about who we are....Who are all these people we are worried about? Those who tr...

I start to wonder. When did this all start? Where did I go wrong? DID I go wrong or Is this the path my soul wanted me to take? Why me? Why do I forgive so much?  I just don't get it!  I can't start this blog at the beginning as I am not sure where the beginning is. I'm just going to write as and where my thoughts and experiences take me.  I was married young, to my sweetheart. I really wanted to be happy and have a growing career and to be successful. I thought marriage and money meant success.... At 21 I had a lovely, gorgeous church wedding with an amazing honeymoon of 3 weeks in St Lucia, I had a job with huge money prospects and I was doing really well.  At 23, stood in my own house, in my own kitchen, giving my baby bulldog big huggles (all this and i was only 23!) and I thought. Gosh. Im pregnant?! Along came my gorgeous baby boy.....2 days before my 24th birthday.  Life was amazing and everything I had planned. Note: Planned .  I gave into the pres...

My name is Lola, I'm 28, a single mum of 2 gorgeous boys and I am the Co-Director of The FitMama Studio Ltd in Basingstoke.  Writing it down and seeing it seems exhausting enough...  I have started this blog to not only help me find my truth but help me through my journey to self worth and self love. It is intended to show those mummies who struggle, who are scared, who are unsure, who need courage and inspiration to take the steps to become a better version of themselves.  I want all mummies to know that 'its ok' and 'you are normal' and only YOU can find your own happiness and only YOU can change what needs changing.  I hope by following me you feel safer in knowing that your not alone.  Sending my Pixie dust your way ✨🌟